Friday, April 4, 2014

Is this metal band awful?




Recently I stumbled across a very interesting blog- entity run by a group of American “folk metal heads”, who have an uncontrollable urge to spread people the gospel of Righteousness. And the more I read it, the more I started to think that when the purpose of the blog was "listing all the dangerously stupid people in the metal scene" they, sadly, forgot the mention themselves. While I´m not an expert on labeling and judging things on their outlooks, I´m pretty sure these peeps are. At least the clear- sighted knowledge on the matters shine through their articles like a beam of light into a dark, wartime bunker. And today, ladies, gentlemen and all-those-who-wish-not-be-labeled-into-anything-because-it-might-offend-their-freedom-to-choose, we are in that bunker: bathing in the light of Truth, admitting our sins and repenting for all those who died. Amen, sister!

  ...Well, if you have to ask, it probably is.

The foreword of this epitome of an American Inquisition starts with -how I would see it- as an almost sorry- sounding excuse. Itエs almost like you could actually listen to our band despite of ME. However, Mitja is completely fine, because he once said that he hates the nazis. (I guess the Illinois Nazis are not qualified, as everyone hates them.) I mean, with these compliments I almost feel like I should dedicate all our musical works to the author solely:

"I LOVE MOONSORROW A LOT. When they say epic metal they mean EPIC and IT´S SUPER GREAT and hey looks like they´re majority not dicks, that´s good."

While not being completely sure what "they´re majority not dicks" is, I suppose it refers to the presume that most of the people in the band are not resemblant to penises. I could be wrong, though, as I´m not a native English speaker. But if I´m correct, it must be your lucky day, because one member of Lakupaavi - a band which is a clear "no- no" to the author- actually looks like a dick. Good thing he is not a Moonsorrow- member, or the author´s day would had probably been ruined. You see, she clearly doesn´t appreciate the fine offensive art of Lakupaavi- 
"which, yes, we understand is supposed to be an offensive joke and sort of parody of Anal Cunt or something, but dudes?? please don´t wear Hitler masks." So, I take it as Anal Cunt singing about rape, uncle Adolf or whatever semenburgers and sexual minorities is completely fine because they don´t wear those dreaded hitler- masks? Next time we´ll write a song about "ha ha you´re an american internet blogger" while steering away completely from such sensitive subjects as rubber masks of some dead dictator.
After all, it´s completely ok and funny to piss off everyone else but you, so we completely understand the issue here.

Another fun fact is also, that apparently at some point of my life, I´ve become a "public figure". And you see, public figures aren´t sadly allowed to wear shirts that may offend someone. Completely understandable though, as it wasn´t allowed in 1940´s Germany either. Verboten!
About 70 years, a zillion dead and one particular living Norwegian nazi later, a picture taken from the recording sessions of Varjoina- album showed me sporting a Burzum- shirt, which was wished to be censored in the future from our public imagery. Cencored, by someone who has absolutely no idea of what else Burzum  represents as an artist to people like me, people who actually were actively involved in the “scene” when this second- to- hitler -madman made his famous albums. And even is she had, why on earth should I follow the subtle and polite hint of “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HENRI SORVALI, PLEASE STOP WEARING BURZUM SHIRTS IN PUBLICLY POSTED PHOTOS”? Would the next thing be maybe removing all the Burzum- influenced parts from our music as well? Heck, let´s actually ban whole Moonsorrow from the surface of the Earth because I´ve heard that someone in the band heard Burzum at a party in 1996! No- one expects the American Inquisition!!

Then again, as long as the children feel safe, I´m later being allowed to wear my garderobe. Ironically, just like some tiny souls telling the gay peeps to stay in the closet, the gay people now tell me to wear my shirts somewhere privately, “OR AT LEAST NO BURZUM SHIRTS WHERE THE KIDS CAN SEE.” Children? Seriously? Is my antichristian and aggressive, screechy and noisy Pagan music with the vengeful and bloody lyrics completely fine...just as long as the children don´t surf into a Moonsorrow website and see some fat bloke wearing a black t- shirt with some random letters printed on it? Are the children in America perhaps told about the "dangers of Burzum" before they go to school?
I love children- in fact, I have two of my own who unfortunately have already been exposed to this foul and smelly shirt- but this reminds me of something else....yes, that was it.

“It’s not about imposing some sort of sanctions on [subject] …It’s about protecting children from such information,” Mr [spokesperson] said.

Yes, it was the Russian President Vladimir Putin, explaining about the new laws against homosexuality in Russia just a couple of months ago. How could I forget that, silly me? And he did it also for the children´s protection, to care about our precious little new generations, just like you folks out there! How adorable! Just like in the 80´s when the PMRC had taken kids´ and teenagers´ needs into a special attention while attacking musicians like Dee Snider and Frank Zappa, we must always think of the children today as well! Even now, 29 years later, the Moral is still strong in the U.S. and no children shall be exposed to something denegerate, immoral and offensive as a t- shirt.
On the matter of censorship on Artists The Blogger Doesn´t Personally Agree With, I´d like to dwell a bit deeper into the PMRC- court case and quote my absolute hero, mr. Frank Zappa from  the Statement for Congress, Sept.19, 1985:

“The establishment of a rating system, voluntary or otherwise, opens the door to an endless parade of Moral Quality Control Programs based on “Things Certain Christians Don’t Like”. What if the next bunch of Washington Wives demands a large yellow “J” on all material written or performed by Jews, in order to save helpless children from exposure to concealed Zionist doctrine? 

Record ratings are frequently compared to film ratings. Apart from the quantitative difference, there is another that is more important: People who act in films are hired to pretend. No matter how the film is rated, it won’t hurt them personally.
Since many musicians write and perform their own material and stand by it as their art (whether you like it or not), an imposed rating will stigmatize them as individuals. How long before composers and performers are told to wear a festive little PMRC arm band with their scarlet letter on it?